Why Couples Benefit From Premarital Counseling
You are excited and eager to marry your partner. To spend the rest of your life together. This is beyond beautiful and an exciting time in your life.
I want to ask you a few questions:
- Do you have a solid foundation in your relationship?
- Are there ample green flags in your relationship?
- Is your relationship free of red flags?
- Are you showing up with healthy habits in your relationship?
3 Keys reasons to pursue premarital counseling:
1. Connect on a deep emotional level.
One key practice that must be sustained in marriage is that of connecting with your partner on a deep emotional level.
Check-in with each other. This means taking time to connect with your partner during the day for a period of 10 to 15 minutes. Use this time to explore what has taken place during the day, build love, and share words of support.
When couples are able to check in with each other space for growth is provided. What takes place is that the strategy of checking in, gives couples the opportunity (a) to engage in conversation (b) address challenges, and (c) find space to connect.
2. Create a healthy foundation for your marriage.
Premarital counseling teaches you how to create and sustain a healthy foundation for your life and relationship. Core areas that must be part of your relationship foundation include trust, respect, compassion, communication, and connection.
3. Have green flags in your marriage.
Green Flag: Vulnerability
Another green flag is vulnerability. If a person is vulnerable to you, then they care about you, and they love you. Suppose you find yourself in a healthy level of vulnerability. It’s not going to happen overnight; it takes a decent amount of time to build a relationship’s vulnerability. If you’re looking to deepen vulnerability with your partner, there are some questions you can ask each other each week:
- Did you feel loved by me this week?
- Did you feel connected to me this week?
- Where can we improve in the relationship?
- How are you this week?
- Did you have a good week?
- What are you thankful for this week?
- What does our weekly schedule look like?
- Is your love language being met? Is my love language being met?
- Did you feel valued this week?
- Did we set sufficient time for each other this week?
To understand vulnerability in a relationship let’s consider the case of Carlos with his wife Sarah. Carlos returned home from work and shared what he did during the day. He opened up and shade with Sarah what he did and how he felt. The combination of events with feelings worked to help Sarah feel connected with Carlos.
In the example above, you are able to identify that Carlos’s skill in sharing what took place during the day while also feelings connect to emotional connection and vulnerability.
Red Flag: Not Over Their Past Relationship
Whenever you’re dating someone and are still hung up on their past relationship, that can be a significant red flag. If the other person is texting and emailing their previous partner, that’s a sign that they are not over that relationship. It means your relationship has poor boundaries. It can be challenging to keep building your relationship when there is a wedge there.
If you see this red flag, then it’s time to stop. After you stop, you need to think about this:
- How do I deserve to be treated?
- Think about what you would like out of this relationship. How do you want to be treated by your partner?
Once you have that answer, you need to have a black-and-white conversation with them. Here are some questions that you may want to ask them:
- Do you still have feelings for your ex-partner?
- Are you still communicating with your ex?
- Are you fully present for this relationship?
3 Behaviors Found In Successful Relationships
- Openness to share thoughts and feelings.
- Willingness to be accountable for your actions.
- Consistent work to address challenges and create ongoing space for growth.
Follow the links below for more supportive reads on improving relationships: