My wife and I enjoy the outdoors.

Our dates take place at parks or walking through trails. We spend time talking to each other. Talking about what we see or how we feel. By focusing on each other and what’s in front of us, we are genuinely closer together and more connected.

In all honesty, it wasn’t always like this for my relationship. Just like your relationship, my relationship has and will continue to require work. I cannot begin to tell you how many times in the past, I picked up my phone on dates or found myself daydreaming about what I forgot to do at work.

The important factor to remember is that relationships require work. Get your hands dirty and focus on the person you love.

In addition, to focusing on today, I also want to stress the importance of eliminating toxic topics during cohesive moments.

Below is a list that helps couples focus on the present and have healthier dates.

• Create a rule that phones must not be present. Unless it’s an emergency related matter.
• Play games on dates that focus on learning more about each other. For instance, 21 questions.
• Have dates at different settings.
• Switch off on who picks the date.
• Spend time post the date reflecting on your experience with your partner.
• Express gratitude.
• Express approbation.  

As you take time to on each other, agree to focus on sharing, inclusion, listening and opportunities. Each are discussed below as they aid in adding harmony to your relationship.

Sharing is caring. Sharing allows partners to come closer to together in their relationship. The act of sharing allows partners to let go of selfish tendencies and build partnership.

Fun experiences that allow couples to push their relationship to a healthier level:

• Share your food.
• Let your partner shower first.
• Put the baby to bed.
• Give your partner some of your breakfast pancakes.
• Give your partner some of the left-over allowance you have.
• Let your partner sit next to you or on your lap.
• Share your last beer.
• Read your child a bed time story together.
• Share the book you just read.
• Share a lottery ticket or price you just won.
• Share the last delicious sips of your Starbucks coffee.

We statement. Using “we” more often in your relationship allows partners to feel included “together”. As a couple’s therapist, I encourage couples to increase the practice of “we” statements.

Ways to improve your relationship:

• We are a match made in heaven.
• We are awesome together.
• We certainly know how to make love.
• We are successful.
• We have a beautiful home.
• We make money to pay bills, vacations or our child(s) tuition.
• We are having problems with family.
• We are experiencing a difficult time raising our child.
• We have a strong relationship.

Opportunities. Create opportunities to demonstrate love as often as possible. One my favorite books is the 5 love languages. It helps couples understand their way of accepting love.

Most of the time people think that there is a place and time for everything such as a place and time for kissing or holding hands. What people further presume is that physical gestures create emotional connection which are only seen as kissing, holding hands, hugging, cuddling or sex.

Creative ways to show your partner that they are loved:

• While watching a movie at home give a foot massage.
• While driving put your hand on their thigh.
• While walking through a park have frequent touches around the hand, waist, and arm.
• Write a love note.
• Clean your partners car without being asked.
• Complete your partners chores or duties.
• Allow your partner to take a day for self-care.

Practice listening while building a healthy connection with your partner.

• When listening to your partner, do your best to focus on what your partner is saying. Actively practice being genuine and reflective instead of focusing on what lecture should be given.
• Help your partner understand that you are not here to judge but to listen and support. Partners then to reduce communication and interaction with they feel that each conversation will lead to some sort of judgement or argument.
• Reduce power assertive statements. These include “do it because I said so”. Statements like these lack respect, connection, and emotion.

Mr. Juan Santos is a professional counselor and book author who specializes in relationship stability and understanding separation indicators. He has conducted hundreds of couples counseling sessions. He is the author of Couples Workbook: Making Your Relationship Work.