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3 Mistakes That Hurt Relationships

3 Mistakes That Can Tear Your Relationship Apart

All relationships are vulnerable to toxic mistakes that can create hurt, pain and even lead to separation. Even strong and healthy relationships are susceptible to leading two people apart.

Below are three mistakes that should be avoided at all cost.

The first is to avoid in your relationship is living independent lives.

In life, we start of dependent on others, then we transition to an independent state, and lastly a state of interdependent. The state of interdependent is when two people share a life together. It takes place when partners are working closely together to nourish their relationship and each other.

The mistake that requires avoiding is that in not reaching the state of interdepend.

Often, people who are overachievers or likely to not need help may be prone to remaining an independent. These individuals may find that much of their life is devoted to areas outside of the relationship.

To avoid this mistake, take time to evaluate the following questions:

  • What is the number one priority in the relationship?
  • How many hours of the day are dedicated to relationship building?
  • At the end of the week do you feel your relationship is a priority?

The second mistake to avoid in your relationship is bad habits.

Bad or negative habits are noted in the following:

  • Using hurtful words
  • When the relationship is not a priority
  • Avoiding going on dates
  • Low Intimacy during the week
  • Lack of communication during the week
  • Sleeping in separate beds
  • Lashing out at each other


To address bad habits, take time to first understand what the bad habits are. As a relationship counselor, I encourage partners to write down the bad habits that are creating pain and hurting the relationship. Next positive habits that the relationship would favor.

Once you have the negative and positive habits, create a code word to address the negative habits from taking place. Here is a link to an article that discusses what a code word is and how it can save your relationship.

The positive habits are going to implement in your schedule. The goal is to utilize the positive habits during the week so that they transition to a sustainable habit. A positive habit.


The third mistake to avoid in your relationship is lacking empathy.

Mental health is a strong component of every relationship. Mental health is focused on understanding why your partner reacts as they do. Why your partner is prone to sadness on rainy days or likely to yell when changes take place.

Successful relationships have two people that take time to practice empathy and truly understand each other. The better you are able to understand yourself and your partner, the healthier the relationship will be.

Below is a video that addresses habits.

In a relationship, there are plenty of things that we can do right or wrong.

As a relationship counselor, I help couples do the right things more often while understanding behaviors that lead to doing the bad things.

I hope that I provided you with a simple understanding. I strongly believe that psychology can be made simple while still be effective.

To explore how you can increase positive habits that help your relationship consider using a journal. Therapeutic journal writing helps people build an increased awareness of what is going on internal and external.

The  Journal is a tool that you can use to help with counseling and personal thought writing.

The journal is divided into the following sections:

Over 100 pages with prompts. Helping you write about topics that focus on mental health and personal improvement.

CLICK HERE to explore how the journal can be used to support your relationship and personal growth.

Mr. Juan Santos is a professional counselor, private practice consultant and book author who specializes in relationship stability and understanding separation indicators. He has conducted hundreds of couples counseling sessions. Mr. Santos is the creator of two successful relationship strengthening courses: “A Marriage Preparation Course: For Premarital Couples” and “The Relationship Building Course: For struggling couples”. He is the author of the following self-help psychology books: Couples Workbook: Making Your Relationship Work; 100 Ways Married Men Can Remain Emotionally Connected; Life Without Stress, My Journal, and Parenting Education for Hispanic Families. Mr. Santos is the owner of Santos Counseling PLLC a counseling private practice located in Greensboro and Winston-Salem, NC. Mr. Santos is currently completing his doctoral studies at the University of the Cumberlands. He spends his time away from work with his family enjoying the great outdoors.

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