How Counseling Helps Couples Adjust to Living Together

So, you are thinking about moving in together! How exciting. Here at Santos Counseling, we work with couples at all stags of life. Deciding when to move in together is a choice that requires time and devotion.

This is a milestone in life and in any relationship. Moving in together for many couples signifies commitment to a future together.

Before moving together, I encourage you to read this article as a tool to improve your relationship and navigate the moving together process effectively. 

Signs You’re Ready to Move in Together

Moving in with your significant partner is a big step. It is in essence the agreement of creating a life together with shared meaning and responsibility. One key item that helps couples effectively move in together is to create an open line of communication for all areas surrounding living together.

1. You and your partner are able to talk about hard and important topics. This is a key sign that you are ready to move in together.
2. Both have the ability to avoid judgment and utilize curiosity.
3. You and your partner are able to respect each others individuality.
4. Finances is an open conversation. 

7 Tips For Couples Living Together

1. Make decisions together as a team.

Do NOT make important decisions alone. I often find that couples need to have a long and deep discussion pertinent to examples of “decisions that should not be made alone”.

2. Prioritize the relationship

“Take one for the team”. My coaches used to always say that statement. It wasn’t until I moved in with my wife and married that I honestly understood its significance. There will be times in your relationship when you will simply have to suck it up and do what is best for the team and not you.

A helpful podcast episode on prioritizing and strengthening a relationship can be found here The Couch Podcast.

3. Respect each others space and individuality

Give each other space. Just like in number one, I think it’s important to create a definition of what “space” means and how it should be provided.

4. Honor your partner for their strengths

Do not compare. Just because your friends or your parents seem to be living a certain lifestyle does not mean that you are doing something wrong. In relationship counseling for newlyweds, there is a section that focuses on decreasing comparisons and highlighting each other’s needs.

5. Create a healthy line of communication

Learn to communicate over big and small topics. Communication is an important factor that brings couples into my office. Talk with your partner about what you like and do not like.

6. Create structure and organization 

Discuss chores/tasks/responsibilities. Create balance and respect.

7. Talk about money

Discuss money. Are you a saver or a risk-taker? Go beyond the discussion in hopes of further understanding each other. Conflict will be a part of your relationship and will certainly pop its head out during the transition to living together and starting life.

I hope that this reading has provided you with insight. If you would like to build a foundation for your relationship please feel welcome to reach out to me or start counseling today.

For another helpful article on moving in together take a look at When to Move in Together: Practical Tips for Couples Combining Spaces | ApartmentGuide.com. 

Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Moving In Together:

The purpose of the questions is to create a system of open communication in your relationship. Creating space for needed conversations today will address future issues from taking place, highlight areas of needed improvement, and develop new skills and tools that can be used to live a healthy life.

1. Do we have any outstanding debts?
2. How will we handle expenses? Like household items, food,…
3. Will we combine finances or keep them separate?
4. How much alone time do we each need?
5. How do we currently handle disagreements, and how can we improve?
6. What are our biggest annoyances, and how can we address them today to avoid issues in the future?
7. What are our deal-breakers in living together?
8. When should we consider working with an individual or couples counselor if challenges arise?
9. How will we divide chores and duties?
10. What are our organization expectations?
11. What role do we see ourselves taking in the home? 
12. What are our expectations connected to personal space?
13. What are our individual saving and spending habits, and how do they align?
14. How will we handle unexpected financial issues?
15. What are our financial goals for the next five, ten, and twenty years?

For more questions to explore in your relationship click here or  click here

Ready to Take the Next Step? We’re Here to Help!

At Santos Counseling, our counselors hold specialize training in varying evidence based interventions. Approaches that focus on couples include the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

If you and your partner are ready to start counseling, whether it be on a couples or individual level, we are here to help. Contact us today to schedule a counseling session and strengthen your relationship.