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How To Navigate and Heal After An Affair

Counseling can be the perfect place to give you space in receiving a compassionate pathway to heal and recover after infidelity. When you start therapy, your counselor will take time to build a relationship with you in order to better understand how the affair has impacted the health of the relationship and each partner. For some, it takes a few sessions while for others it can last longer. Your counselor will be there with you the entire way. We are ready when you are.

Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce and can be a devastating experience.

Counseling Can Help

Common symptoms that may impact your life and relationship include:

  • Feeling stuck and unmotivated.
  • Schock and a feeling that almost feels as if life is moving while you are standing still.
  • Often a sense of mixed emotions. Anger, feeling lost, numbness…
  • Feeling exposed and overwhelmed with what to do.
  • Struggle to trust future motives and decisions.
  • Insecurity and doubt.

Understanding Infidelity 

Let’s start with education on the 4 stages of recovery for an affair.

The purpose of knowing the stages is to give you steps to take as you move forward in your journey of healing and recovering your relationship and life after an affair.

A few very important notions to understand is that each couple is different with respect to how long the process takes. The second very important notion that helps is receiving information ahead of time. This gives a sense of understanding, preparation, and anticipation of what may take place during the affair recovery process.

Stage 1. Discovery Of Infidelity.

Whether the discovery was forthcoming or found. The first stage of recovering after an affair starts with the discovery.

This stage focuses on ending the affair and learning what happened. It is vital to the success of healing and recovering for you who committed the affair to cut all ties and commit to vulnerability, honesty, transparency, and positive change.

Not doing so only leads to further distrust and disconnect from your partner. During this stage, you may experience shock and emotional instability.

Stage 2. Understanding and Reaction.

This stage has three core sections:

  • Emotional roller coaster, which has you experiencing a range of high to low intense emotions.
  • Understanding why the affair took place and related details.
  • Grieving for the loss of the relationship or the timeline in the relationship connected to the affair.

 During this stage, your partner may experience a process that can be like grieving. The grief takes place due to the affair creating a psychological, physiological, and emotional process that makes a person feel that the relationship they used to know and have was (a) not real (b) a lie (c) gone or lost. Due to this, your partner can experience grieving over the loss of the relationship.

This stage, like the entire process, requires empathy and a willingness to share the truth of what took place. Areas that often emerge in this stage include:

  • Grieving for the loss of the relationship or the timeline in the relationship connected to the affair.
  • Searching for answers to why the affair took place.
  • Reacting to the affair with emotions that connect to numbness, shock, anger, sadness, shame, guilt,…

Stages 3. Addressing The Issues By Working Together

This has three core sections:

  • Identifying and working to resolve issues in the relationship that connected to the affair.
  • Identifying and working to resolve issues in the relationship that may not be directly connected to the affair, but nevertheless are present.
  • Evaluating forgiveness and reconciliation.

At this point, you have worked through high to low intense emotions that took place during the first two stages. It is important to know that emotional challenges can continue to take place. This is due to the hurt created by the affair. Emotional pain can cause reoccurring moments of sadness or experiencing anger when triggered by something that connects to the affair.

In this stage, you will directly work on dealing with the issues. In order to effectively deal with issues, you must agree to work together. As you identify and create a plan to address issues, a sense of security and confidence will take place. You will slowly gain security and confidence in the relationship, yourself, and your partner.

Stage 4. Building Commitment and Growth.

During this process, you enter with the highest level of commitment to moving forward together in life. The affair, though damaging, provided an opportunity of growth to you and the relationship. This stage continues the process of growth by focusing on a new beginning.

It is a very interesting perspective and approach. Think about it this way, the old relationship, the one that connected to the affair, had issues in it. A new beginning means that you have learned valuable lessons.

Each firmly understands what to do when issues arise and how to continue engaging in the practices that nourish the relationship.

It is important to know that emotional challenges can continue to take place even at this stage. Hurt can create lasting memories or thoughts in the mind. This may lead to experiencing some moments of emotional difficulties.

The difference, with this stage versus the others, is that at this point, strength has been built. Security in the relationship has been strengthened. You feel that you are working towards a mutual goal. With all of this in mind, you will be able to manage and overcome the emotional challenges with more ease than before.

Tools to help you start and healing from infidelity.

read the book together and start healing

Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce and can be a devastating experience.

This book is interactive in nature as it holds you and your partner responsible for completing each page. Together you will take on the journey of healing and recovering. Page by page, you will uncover the stages of infidelity and give birth to a loving and compassionate relationship.

Here’s what the book can offer you:

  • Learn how to understand the phases of infidelity.
  • Understand the root cause of the affair.
  • Rebuild your relationship.
  • Restore trust.
  • Work through conflicting emotions.
  • Experience vulnerability.