What To Do If Couples Counseling Doesn’t Work
This reading is for anyone that has tried relationship or marriage counseling and found that it simply did not work. I hope that you use this as a tool to support your growth in life. Please know that it is okay to work with a counselor and not achieve all of the goals that led you to start counseling.
Below are actions that you can take if working with your counselor did not resolve the challenge that you are experiencing.
Try working with a different relationship counselor.
I completely understand that you may not want to go from one counselor to another. You may feel tired or pessimistic about the process. My encouragement is to focus on consistency.
Consistency is one of the key behaviors that promote success in life.
At the end of the day, no two counselors are alike. Simply because they are different people who have lived their own life experiences and pursued their education with unique perspectives.
Try searching for a counselor with the mindset of interviewing. You can research counselors that you would like to work with and ask if they would be willing to do a 15- or 30-minute consultation. This gives you and your partner time to discuss what working together would look like.
Questions that you can ask your relationship counselor:
- What therapeutic modalities and techniques do you use when working with couples?
- Do you provide resources that couples can use outside of the counseling office?
Use a self-help book
Reading can be a soft and indirect strategy to improve your relationship when couples counseling isn’t working. The key to using self-help books is to let go of control and make an agreement that you will allow the author of the book to be the leader.
Couples often struggle to receive growth from self-help books due to reading the information versus applying the content.
Below are a few supportive books for couples:
Relationship book for infidelity
Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce and can be a devastating experience. This book is interactive in nature as it holds you and your partner responsible for completing each page. Together you will take on the journey of healing and recovering. Page by page, you will uncover the stages of infidelity and give birth to a loving and compassionate relationship.
CLICK HERE to learn more about the affair recovery book for couples.
Here’s what the book can offer you:
- Learn how to understand the phases of infidelity.
- Understand the root cause of the affair.
- Rebuild your relationship.
- Restore trust.
- Work through conflicting emotions.
- Experience vulnerability.
The 5 love language relationship book
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a must-have self-help relationship book. This book is beyond words in its effectiveness to help struggling couples, individuals seeking healthy relationships, and therapists or counselors that work with couples. As a couple’s counselor, I use this book because it helps couples I work with understand how they accept and give love. Understanding the five love languages provides individuals with the proper guidance to achieving a healthy loving relationship.
CLICK HERE to learn more about the 5 love languages book.
Even now, this book continues to be ranked extremely high. I personally think it’s due to the book’s simple and direct approach to creating clarity and understanding around love. The book evaluates the five languages of love. These include acts of service, quality time, physical touch, gifts, and words of affirmation.
I strongly recommend this book if you are experiencing issues in your relationship.
Mating in captivity: Reconciling the erotic and the domestic
This book takes a very different approach to support couples, which has been rated very well by readers. One key area is the authors’ ability to focus on teaching readers how to find creative ways to discuss sex, intimacy, and desire. A great read for couples that desire to strengthen their relationship and search for ways to build connection and spark.
CLICK HERE to learn more about the book mating in captivity.
Try attending a relationship workshop
Have you ever attended a relationship workshop?
They can be fun. I’ve led a few relationship workshops for persons that are searching for psychoeducational tools and strategies to improve their relationship and address challenges that are holding them back from having a healthy life and relationship.
Relationship workshops can help couples with conflict resolution, heal from challenges, improve communication skills, and develop a deep emotional connection.
CLICK HERE to check out the upcoming workshop that I will host. It’s virtual so that you can attend it from the comfort of your home.
Deepen your understanding of the pillars to building a healthy and successful relationship. Learn why couples remain stuck while others thrive in their life. The workshop can be attended from the comfort of your home.
Try focusing on being a best friend
The concept here is that you are working on only what you can control. This strategy is often very helpful to couples that may not have reached the desired success in couples’ therapy.
I want you to think about how you show up for your best friend.
You may feel that your relationship is not going in the right direction. That you are struggling to see eye to eye and having more negative moments than positive. I want you to consider shifting to being a best friend.
This shift is an indirect way to address challenges and improve your relationship.
Here is what you can explore doing.
Each day treat your partner just like you would want your best friend to treat you. Consider the character that connects to this. You should be reflecting on terms like compassionate, caring, respectful, honest, or responsible.
Ways to show up as a best friend for your partner:
- Listen with intention.
- Show respect.
- Do what you say you will do.
- Give gratitude.
- Give kindness.
- Be generous with your time.