Ways To Stop Seeking Approval
Many people struggle with saying no because they seek approval. You find yourself in a situation where you say yes too many times. That means we struggle with boundaries. We want to say no, but we keep saying yes. So, I want to explain how we can overcome these challenges and confidentially say yes when we want to say yes and confidentially say no when we want to say no.
Self-esteem means it is ours. We own it, and we are the boss of our self-esteem. Through work and meditation, we find our self-esteem. It’s not always easy to work on self-esteem and approval-seeking behaviors. Sometimes, it hurts and it is painful. However, self-esteem is essential when it comes to why we seek approval.
Self-esteem is our ability to believe in ourselves and know our own worth. It also has a lot to do with respect and how much we like ourselves. If we have low self-esteem, then we do not respect ourselves and appreciate ourselves. If our self-esteem is low, then it makes sense why we find ourselves in situations where we say yes and want that approval.
Maybe you grew up in a house where you engage in approval-seeking behavior. When you say no, people in the house would attack you. So, you start to say yes in order to protect yourself. When you do say yes, you are rewarded. Your parents will give you love and support. Every time you say no, you don’t get the love and support. Thus, your body will start to say yes because there are negative consequences when you say no.
Fixed and Growth Mindset
If you say no, people aren’t going to like you. These statements will lead you to say yes. A growth mindset is about expanding the way that you are thinking. If you’re in a position where you struggle to say no, you’ll start to explain to yourself why you’re saying yes.
For instance, if Bob wants you to do something and you say yes, then you’ll tell yourself that your relationship with Bob is essential; that’s why you need to say yes. However, you go home and resent Bob. So, it’s time to work on saying no. If Bob asks you to help him move this weekend, say no. Tell him that you appreciate him asking, but you are unable to help him this weekend.
When you say no to someone, you’ll feel anxious. You’ll start to think that what happened when you’re a child is what will happen when you say no to Bob. When Bob says that it’s okay, then you’re happy! It gives you one opportunity to see it differently. Now, your mind and body will know that when you say no, it’s not always going to be negative. Give yourself a new opportunity to play with saying “yes” and saying “no.”
I dive into this topic on my YouTube Channel. Watch the video: Why We Seek Approval.
Santos Counseling PLLC is located in Greensboro, North Carolina. Start your counseling journey, check out the amazing counselors, and see which one is a good fit for you here: https://santoscounseling.com.