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Couples Counseling Exercises For Infidelity

Couples Counseling Exercises For Infidelity

Healing and Recovering After An Affair

The journey of recovery is just that. A journey that like most journeys takes time and commitment. I want to share with you a counseling strategy that helps couples understand how to navigate triggers.

Triggers After Being Cheated On

Triggers are basically things that poke the bear. Triggers can include that of you being at a certain place and the setting itself causing a certain reaction. Like feeling frustrated or sad to the point that you want to leave the setting. You may find yourself eating lunch with your partner. Everything is going well. All of a sudden you see a person that looks like the mistress. Your stomach tightens and just like that you lose your appetite. You feel your mood shifting. 

The trigger is the thought and can extend all the way to completely change your mood.

Triggers can also be conversations or thoughts. Each holds a certain amount of weight or pull as it impacts the person. The journey of healing and recovering from an affair helps couples reach the last stage of recovery. The stage that gives the couple the strength to overcome the triggers.

The strength to grasp life and live the life that you desire.

As a relationship counselor, I see couples every day. I know that you do not want to continue being affected by the triggers. I know that you want to break free. To live your life. To eat where you want to eat. To experience thought and just let it be thought.

I also know that it’s not that easy. 

I know that it can take time. I know that you are trying and sometimes. you feel that just as things are getting better it’s 3 steps back. Please don’t stop. This is your life. You deserve the very best. You deserve to heal. To sleep with calmness. To have love. To have peace. 

I want to share with you a couples counseling exercise for infidelity that you are welcome to practice. Please know that working with a counselor gives you and your partner space to heal and move forward. The space to have the difficult conversations that sometimes seem easier to slide under the rug. Yet, they are needed. They are needed to move life and the relationship forward. 

Couples Counseling Exercise For Infidelity

With your partner, work to answer the following question:


1. What are the triggers that are connected to the affair?

When evaluating this question, consider places, conversation topics, thoughts, or people. Share with your partner the triggers that provoke you to feel a certain way.

Take time to write or verbally express how the triggers make you feel. Such as, the trigger of going to a certain place makes me feel frustrated or causes me to not want to do anything for the rest of the day.

As you share your thoughts, see if you can reach a place of vulnerability. A place that allows you to be honest and forthcoming with yourself and your partner. This is the place that promotes positive change.

As the listening partner, try to hear what your partner is saying. Remove judgment and criticism. Just listen. If you do not know what to say, ask for help. Connect with your partner and ask, “how can I support you with this?” or “I am listening and feel stuck in knowing what to do. Please guide me on how to be with you at this moment.”

The goal of this question is to create a space of trust, vulnerability, and connection. Do not plan to solve everything. Instead, use this as a starting point. 


2. Consider how you feel when you are triggered?

Think of a very detailed experience. Such as when having lunch with your partner and experiencing a thought related to the affair. You feel a loss of appetite followed by sadness.

During moments like this, how would you like for your partner to support you?

During this time find ways to open the door for support. Work to build a bridge that allows your partner to reach you in order for them to provide support and for you to share the experience.

As you practice this with your partner, be mindful to let your guard down. Try not to be defensive as being defensive often leads to progress in the wrong direction.

Allowing your partner to support you is part of the healing and recovery process as it will work to bring you closer together.

Lastly, I want to share this. 

Sometimes after an affair, you may notice that your walls are up. Even when you try to build the bridge something inside of you says no to your partner. You guard yourself. This is normal. This is your body trying to protect you. It is up to you to dig deep and help your body know that you are in a safe place. 

Working with a relationship counselor after an affair can give you the tools and space to connect with your partner. To come together and build your 2.0 relationship. 

Seeking counseling can directly support the process of healing and recovering.

In addition, it is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle. During the process of healing and recovering be mindful of continuing practices that previously supported your physical, psychological and emotional stability. For instance, continuing to engage in physical exercise, spending time with your support system, attending church, and/or eating healthy. 

counselors that can help

Purchase the book & start and healing from infidelity.

Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce and can be a devastating experience.

This book is interactive in nature as it holds you and your partner responsible for completing each page. Together you will take on the journey of healing and recovering. Page by page, you will uncover the stages of infidelity and give birth to a loving and compassionate relationship.

Here’s what the book can offer you:

  • Learn how to understand the phases of infidelity.
  • Understand the root cause of the affair.
  • Rebuild your relationship.
  • Restore trust.
  • Work through conflicting emotions.
  • Experience vulnerability.

Healing from infidelity for couples can lead to a transformational outcome. The key is taking time to come together. To work with each other in the process of healing and understanding why it took place to figure out how to move forward.

At times what happens is that one person feels alone. Left out. Thinking negative thoughts, feeling insecure, and doubtful in the future of the relationship. While the other is moving forward or appears to be moving forward.

In working with couples all over the world who are searching for healing and recovering after an affair. Who are desperate to get their life back? Their relationship back. I’ve noticed one common factor.

Beyond all else, it’s vital to find space to heal together. For two people to create a safe space aimed at uncovering the affair, healing pain and wounds, and constructively working to rebuild a better stronger relationship.

I wrote the book, Rebuilding Us, with that in mind. A book that gives each person space of clarity. A space to have conversations for healing. Exercises to rebuild the relationship. The book guides you through a period of 30 days.

For 30 days couples come together in a very similar manner as what would take place in a therapy session. Each day, guidance and instruction is given. With a very clear goal. The goal of building strength with what has taken place, finding space to understand each other, developing a level of deeper emotional connection, and getting your life back.

Book Author Of Rebuilding-Us

Hi! My name is Juan Santos and I’m the author of the book Rebuilding Us. It’s for couples who have experienced an affair and have the goal to save their relationship. I hope that you find it helpful in healing the pain that you are experiencing and in achieving the goal of rebuilding your relationship. As a licensed clinician, I spent years working on this book and have integrated practice experience to give you a book that is straight forward, supportive, and easy to follow. As you read it, let me know how it’s helping and what you are learning.

There are varying reasons why an affair took place. Some people cheat because it was their way of dealing with a specific issue that was taking place or had been taking place for some time in the relationship. Others engage in betrayal in the relationship due to personal unhealthy learned behaviors or exposures.

In taking time to understand the why, of why an affair took place. It Is vital to focus on individual work. Let’s consider the case of Sam as an example.

Sam found himself working with his local counselor to understand what in his life led to the affair. He shared with the counselor that he grew up in a home where his parents cheated. He specifically remembered times his parents would argue with each other on the topic yet remained together.

During one specific session, Sam shared with the counselor that he didn’t know what else to do. He felt hurt in the relationship and that no matter what he did, his partner didn’t listen or value him. So he took action in the same way he remembers his parents doing so. Sam shared that he remembers how his mother would loudly shout at his father because he wasn’t doing something right only to find weeks later that she betrayed him.

In the case example above, you are able to identify the following:

Working with the counselor helped Sam learned:

  • How the exposure to infidelity during his childhood impacted him.  
  • Sam learned in counseling that his reaction to challenges in his current and past relationship mirrored what he saw as a child.

As you reflect on the case of Sam, consider what you can do to focus on individual work. Yes, without a doubt healing from an affair includes the work of the couple. Engaging in individual work can provide ample positive benefits.

A few areas to explore include reading the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,

The book, the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is a very high-ranking book for personal and professional development which indirectly impacts emotional wellbeing.

CLICK HERE to check out the book.

The habits discussed in the book allow readers to build skills in the areas of productivity, processing, time management, proactive, and positive thinking.

Areas discussed in the self-help book support individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, and destructive habits and behaviors. For instance, the book can help persons experiencing lethargy and inactivity (symptoms of depression) through the practice of productivity and time management.

Enjoy the read friends!

I hope that the reading provided support. If you are in the midst of infidelity take time to explore the relationship book for couples seeking to heal and recover. Re-Building Us.

CLICK HERE to receive free tips and expert strategies aimed to help you improve your relationship. Plus a free insider surprise to level up your relationship.