Managing Holiday Conflict In Your Relationship
Being around people “family” that you may not see eye to eye with can be difficult. Even more difficult when you are forced to interact with that one person you do not agree with. Thanksgiving is around the corner, and with the upcoming holiday, I wanted to write a special piece “on how to get along with others during the holidays”.
Getting along with others starts with self-awareness and special planning between you and your partner.
As partners that take dating seriously, it is important to understand the dynamics of each other’s families. Understand how certain situations or family members may impact your partner and the relationship.
Consider topics like politics, work, or even past conflict(s) in the family. Work together with your partner to understand how certain topics may impact you, your partner, and potentially the relationship. Gain awareness to visualize how the topics may escalate certain feelings or behaviors; such as anger or storming out the house.
When we are placed intense situations, what tends to happen is that our emotions escalate. We internally struggle to manage the anger, sadness, or even anxiety. The emotions that are not managed, lead to often a negative external reaction. This simply means we lose control and react.
This Thanksgiving holiday, you are going to be sitting across some people that may or may not have the same view point as you. The individuals that have opposing views or those with who you have experienced negative altercations with may be a trigger.
For that reason, it is important to practice teamwork in your relationship. Support your partner as you desire to be supported. As a professional counselor, I specialize in helping couples build a healthy lasting foundation through the practice of marriage preparation.
Consider a past event in which you kind of lost it. An event in which you “flipped out”. If you focus hard enough, you should be able to reflect and find the trigger.
Before you decide to drive over to the in-laws for the feast. I want to encourage you to spend time practicing self-awareness and the exercises listed below. The goal of self-awareness and the exercises, are simply to allow you to have a positive experience this holiday season.
Allow yourself to acknowledge that “others do not control you”.
Others may provoke you. Or even be a pain in your rear end. But they do not control you. Control comes from within.
Below are 6 strategies aimed to help you and your partner have a positive experience this Thanksgiving holiday.
- This may sound odd or a bit weird per se. I want you to sketch out the location of thanksgiving. Literally, draw out or even mentally picture the layout. Focus on the exits and restrooms. These will be your locations to-go-to when things get overly heated and tense. Basically, when you feel that you are about to lose it and say something over the top. At this moment, or hopefully, before it, make your way to the restroom or exit the house.
- Parking must be planned. Consider driving to the location prior to the event. Park somewhere that you can easily leave from. – A.K.A – do not allow yourself to be blocked in by others. It doesn’t matter if you must park two blocks down the road. Do it!
- Create two to three alternative escape plans. When doing so be creative and strategic. Below are a few examples you are welcome to use.
- If you have a child. Utilize them. Dirty diaper.
- Create an alarm on your phone that sounds like a ring tone. Pretend to answer the phone and boom that’s your escape plan saying that “it’s time to go to the next feast”.
- Did you leave something in the car? Why, yes. At your car, take some time to breathe and refocus before reentering.
- Visualize all the people that will be at the event. Focus on the ones that you best get along with versus those that will more than likely be a trigger. Plan to stick to the people you best get along with.
- Visualization practice. Visualize the people that triggers and consider what their personal interest or hobbies are. At any time in which the person tries to engage in a sensitive topic such as politics, quickly transition to personal interest or hobbies.
- Utilize the food when needed. If you find yourself stuck and out of luck. Go for seconds. While you are getting seconds, scan the area for your support system or for an escape route.
Thanksgiving is meant to be a beautiful moment surrounded by family, friends, and those you love and care about. Allow yourself to spend some time reviewing the information above. Plan accordingly and do not allow others to push your buttons. You can be in control this holiday season.
Have you considered working with a marriage counselor?
Benefits to working with a couple’s counselor that include:
- Healing from past challenges.
- Improving communication.
- Overcoming emotional challenges that hurt the relationship.
- Addressing conflict in the relationship.
- Creating space for teamwork and partnership.
- Improving intimacy.