Couples Counseling Exercises For Infidelity
You are here because you are searching for exercises to utilize after the affair. Strategies that can help your relationship heal, grow, and finally move forward.
After an affair, it can feel that each present moment is somehow tied to the affair. A nice date goes from joy to sadness because of the random thoughts of the affair that pop up.
Healing a relationship after an affair is not an easy task. I share this with you, not to scare you. Nor to push you to not want to heal your relationship.
I share this because I find it important to be realistic in the journey that we choose to take.
The journey of healing a relationship after infidelity may have ups and downs. There may be days that you feel like everything is going in the right direction and one little thing may nudge you off course. It can be a gesture that your partner did that reminded you of the affair. It can be that you called, and they didn’t answer on time. The list goes on.
One simple truth of relationship affair recovery is that it takes two willing people to move the relationship forward.
I want to share with you couples counseling exercises to practice for infidelity.
Are you ready to rebuild your relationship?
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Strategies To Heal The Relationship After An Affair
1. Give your relationship balance
The first one is about positioning. This strategy has more to do with what not to do versus what to do.
After an affair, the betrayed person can find themselves in a position of control and power. A position that makes them feel like their partner must do certain things to win them back, to gain their favor, or undue the wrong.
Words that connect to this include:
- “You did that for them, so you better do it for me.”
- “I don’t care how you feel. You got us into this.”
A devastating act took place. The act of infidelity is damaging and one that directly hurts trust and connection in the relationship. As a quick tool to support trust, I want to share a podcast to check out. Listen here.
Yet, there is a way to constructively recover.
There is a way to create a new healthy relationship. One that gives space to honor the healing and growing process.
What hurts couples during the infidelity recovery process is when they shift to the following positions:
When one person feels that they are superior to the other.
Make your partner jump through endless hoops to win you back.
Putting your partner in the “doghouse”.
Remind your partner that they messed up and now they have to fix it.
Withholding in the relationship. Such as, not giving your partner words of kindness.
What takes place is that a shift in balance occurs. One partner feels superior and the other inferior. One partner feels that they have to always be in the “ON” mode.
Always walking on eggshells to be perfect and to never let their guard down. They do this because the relationship has shifted in dynamics. The partner is now trying to win their lover over. They are trying to prove to their partner that they want to be in the relationship.
The partner who has been betrayed may feel that they are owed the superior role. That their partner must jump through the hopes in order to prove that they really want to be in the relationship.
My friends, there is a healthy and unhealthy way to heal and recover.
I want you to think about your relationship or a standard healthy relationship. Consider the beginning of the relationship.
Do you notice people trying to win each other over in a superior and inferior dynamic?
Or
Do you notice that two people show up authentically and seek to be seen and loved for who they are? For their strengths and weaknesses?
Today, focus on your relationship.
Consider the dynamic that is taking place.
Is there a superior and inferior role?
Do you or your partner feel that you have to win over the other?
The goal is to give your relationship balance.
2. Consciously listen to each other.
After an affair, it is common for couples to engage in heated conversations. Speaking over each other with the aim to get your point across or to make your partner stop talking and just listen to what you have to say.
My encouragement is that you try to take turns while communicating, give each other instruction, and show up with integrity.
To improve communication, try to show up in the following way:
Respect your partner.
Give your partner time to finish what they are saying.
Ask for help if you do not know what to say.
Use the words thank you and I’m sorry often.
If you have nothing to say, you can simply say that. “I’m not sure what to say or do here. Would you be willing to guide me?”
- Practice honesty.
- When communicating try to set the tone by creating rules and structure. I’ll share a few that you are welcome to utilize.
- No interruptions.
- Remove criticism.
- Use “I statement” versus “you statements”
- Show your partner that you are listening. You can do this by using eye contact or summarizing what your partner is saying.
I strongly believe that you have a reason for saying what you want to say. I know that deep down you want your partner to hear you. To understand why you feel the way that you are feeling.
I want you to hold onto that very feeling.
Now, I want you to consider delivery.
The strategies above give you the tools to communicate effectively. Actions such as yelling, criticism, and denial directly work to sabotage your goal. Leading to not being understood and heard.
One common reason that a person may experience a challenge with communication is connected to insecurities. I want to share with you a supportive podcast that provides insight into addressing relationship insecurities. Listen here.
3. End the affair.
This strategy is very black and white.
Not ending the affair directly stops the relationship from moving forward.
Take time to disconnect. End communication and interaction.
For more supportive reads on healing after an affair and couple’s exercises for infidelity follow any of the links below:
Have you considered working with a counselor?
Counseling can be a wonderful space for relationship growth and healing. A couples counselor works for your relationship.
- Learn to express thoughts and feelings in a healthy way.
- Remove resentment.
- Heal in a healthy way.
- Build healthy habits and behaviors.
- Grow a healthy support system.
- Build a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
CLICK HERE to work with Santos Counseling PLLC. We provide counseling to anyone in North Carolina. Our physical office is located in Greensboro, North Carolina if you would like to have face-to-face sessions.
