What I Can Do To Address Conflict In My Relationship
Find Your Identity
Take a step back and think about something. What’s your identity? Write down everything that comes to mind. Then think about actions that you can engage in that highlight the key areas you mentioned each day. Let’s say you’re a good listener. Think about how you will listen throughout the day. For instance, you can listen to the cashier when you go to Target. Your goal is to bring your identity to life. We often say we are a certain way, but our actions don’t highlight how we describe ourselves. Practice accountability and focus on yourself and personal growth.
Think About You
So what happens if your partner is being a Grinch? Well, it’s time to think about you. You define yourself as someone who is compassionate and a good listener. At some point, you might get lost. When you become lost, new behaviors come out. Maybe you’re grumpy, snappy, and always on edge. They are different identities than the ones you came up with. We are allowing life to create a reaction out of us. So our behaviors will change how we act with our partner. Not because you chose to do that.
Go back and think about your identity and start implementing those variables into your life and your relationship. Take breaks throughout the day. If you are a good listener and your partner gets louder, it might be time to break. Instead of yelling, ask your partner for a minute to go to the bathroom. That way, you can use space to reflect in the bathroom. Splash some cold water on your face and ask yourself what you are in control of? You are in control of yourself. So, tell yourself that you will continue to be a good listener. Focus on being a good listener. It will give you the strength and the commitment to speak with your partner and remain calm.
Work On Yourself
Look for healthy alternatives instead of fighting. Work on yourself while thinking about other options. Focus on what you can do, how you can shift your reaction, and work on yourself. As you do this, sit back and think about what defines you and what type of person you want to be. Once you have at least five characteristics, start making them action-oriented and implement them in life. You will begin to see changes, and you’ll start to feel better. For example, let’s say someone wants to be kind. Then, that person will go out and hold the door for someone else. That person will feel good when they keep the door open. Overall, take action!
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