Do you find yourself feeling easily annoyed by your spouse?
Yes…
Most couples reach certain points in the relationship that trigger their level of tolerance to be out of whack. I’m sure that you know exactly what I am talking about right now.
What tends to happen is that after several negative altercations we fail to reach a place of comfort, acceptance, and forgiveness. Due to failing to reach this point, we develop a low level of tolerance for our partner.
The low level of tolerance creates tension and a lack of forgiveness.
Consider the simple case example:
Sally asked her husband Steve to stop leaving the keys at random places in the home due to the hectic morning routine. For the past week, Steve has found himself asking Sally for help in finding the car keys. Sally continues to feel annoyed and irritable with Steve.
In this case, you can note a few factors:
- Sally is annoyed and irritable due to Steve consistent behavior of misplacing the keys.
- Steve is struggling to listen and follow direction.
In the case above you can understand why Sally is feeling frustrated with Steve. In addition, you can further understand how their future interactions can be impacted by the key situation.
When partners struggle to overcome challenges, big or small, there tends to be an opening for conflict. Consider using the code word activity as a way to address this issue. Below is a video that sheds light on the activity.
This is the same activity that is offered in the relationship building course. A course that focuses on helping struggling couples overcome challenges in the relationship.
When supporting couples that feel annoyed or irritable with each other, I find that the practice of reflection aids with understanding and positive change.
In your relationship, take time to identify that past 5 situations in which you found yourself feeling overly frustrated, irritable or annoyed with your partner. Evaluate the following statements below to support addressing tension in your relationship.
- Identify what you and your partner did to contribute to the situation.
- Identify if there are external triggers that promoted the situation. For instance, did you have a bad day at work or did not sleep well? At times a bad night of sleep or medications such as ibuprofen can contribute to mood changes.
- Identify what you and your partner can do differently in the exact situation next time to make it better.
As you progress through the statements above, take time to respect each other’s differences. Allow space for mistakes. Part of being a human is acknowledging that error may take place. I find that in relationships, we must practice empathy to mistakes while building on how to avoid the mistake in the future.
Below are ways that you can support each other with promoting a healthy level of tolerance:
- Take time to practice apologizing. As kids, our parents, are consistent about the practice of apologizing. Asking us as kids to apologize when we have made mistakes.
- Lead your life with core values. What are your core values? Respect, Love, Kindness… Consider living your life with your core values first. By projecting respect, love and kindness you will be prone to having healthier relationships.
- Take time to evaluate. As a relationship counselor, I encourage all couples that I work with to allocate one day a week to reflect. This is the day that you discuss what’s working and what’s not working. You are able to adjust areas and build upon the positives.
How are you addressing problems in your relationship?
I love helping couples learn concrete ways to improve their connection, address problems, and have a toolkit of therapeutic strategies to nourish their relationship.
That’s why I built the Relationship Workshop School.
It’s a school that offers courses to couples.
CLICK HERE to see how the relationship course can help your relationship today
