What brings you in to Relationship Counseling?
“Well. We used to go out more. Have more often. Things have changed.”
The funny thing about relationships is that they are often treated as a milestone. When you think of a milestone, the idea of college graduation or turning 18 may come to mind. A milestone, is simply a significant stage of life that one meets.
Relationships in no way should be treated as a milestone. Simply because relationships are forever evolving, growing, and changing.
Work must always be put into relationships.
Plain and simple.
This exercise focuses on revisiting the core growth of your relationship. Think about the sparks in your relationship that created lasting changes. You may consider small acts of kindness, such as when your partner “used to” send you sweet messages in the morning. Or when your partner, surprised you on Thursday “just because”.
What tends to happen is that, as mentioned earlier, relationships are treated as milestones. What generated growth in the relationship becomes a thing of the past and a distant memory to simply look back on on. Versus a reminder of acts that should be repetitive.
Below are simple steps to follow as you process through this exercise:
Understanding and Rebuilding Values In Relationships
Write down core acts, gestures, or behaviors that your partner “used” to do early in the relationship. Only pick out the ones that you feel enrich your relationship.
Present the information to your partner.
Review the information. I want you to pick 1 or 2 at most to start doing for a week duration.
As the week progresses and acts, gestures or behaviors are being completed, be sure to provide your partner guidance and support. This means that when your partner is following through and “doing a good job”, you let them know by:
- Expressing how you feel now versus in the past.
- Express how the change is impacting the relationship.
Maintenance. During this step, I simply want you to continue to add more and more acts, gestures, or behaviors to your agenda. Continue to provide feedback and support to your partner.
The goal is for you to be able to retrain yourself and create a healthy change that enriches the relationship and the love you hold for each other.
Below is a supportive self-help video on ways to have healthy conversations in your relationship
The video below “Relationship Advice for Distant Couples” focuses on strategies that couples can implement to strengthen their relationship. Couples that are experiencing difficulties in the following areas can benefit from the video: Feeling tired due to emotional distance, problems communicating, experiencing something that right now seems to heavy to overcome, or those that experience thoughts of leaving. The video focuses on the article How to make your relationship feel free to watch the video and later read article.