My brother, Eliseo, is an artist. The type that enjoys everything and anything about art. He has this divine ability to be still. When we were little, our parents would take us to the beach. He would spend hours upon hours focusing on a single drawing. While the rest of the family ventured of to fish or swim. He has always had the incredible ability to, if I must say, stop time and focus on what’s directly in front of him with the upmost attention.

I often encourage my patients and those willing to listen, to focus on what’s in front of you. For couple’s this lesson is vital to the success and growth of the relationship.

Just as my brother blocks out the world and devotes his every fiber to his art. I encourage couples to do the same. Devote your attention to your partner.

Let’s look at a simple and often overlooked example.

Think about the last time you went on a date.

• Did you spend any of the time distracted by your phone?
• Did you spend time daydreaming on an external subject? Maybe work or family related?

Next time you go on a date, I would love for you to focus on the person in front of you. I’m sure your partner would also love this. 

My wife and I enjoy the outdoors. Our dates, from time to time take place at parks or walking through trails. We spend time talking to each other. Talking about what we see or how we feel. By focusing on each other and what’s in front of us, we are genuinely closer together and more connected.

In all honesty, it wasn’t always like this for my relationship. Just like your relationship, my relationship has and will continue to require work. I cannot begin to tell you how many times in the past, I picked up my phone on dates or found myself daydreaming about what I forgot to do at work.

The important factor to remember is that relationships require work. Get your hands dirty and focus on the person you love.

In addition, to focusing on the present, I also want to stress the importance of eliminating toxic topics during cohesive times. Cohesive meaning times that are meant to be about you and your partner connecting. Not about family drama that has your blood pressure above the roof.

Below is a list that helps couples focus on the present and have healthier dates.

• Create a rule that phones must not be present. Unless it’s an emergency related matter.
• Play games on dates that focus on learning more about each other. For instance, questions like “if we were stuck on a deserted island do you think we would survive?” Push each other to explore the question by making it fun.
• Have dates at different settings. More than likely a change of scene will spark conversation and push insecurities. Both are great!
• Spend time post the date reflecting on your experience with your partner. This will help increase your mindfulness to work harder on your relationship and grow with your partner.