Healing and Recovering After An Affair

Couples that I have the pleasure to work with or as I like to say, walk with. I like to think of the relationship I have with those I serve, as a mutual journey. A walk that we are taking together and often guiding each other in.

When working with couples who are in the midst of the recovery and healing process of an affair, I’ve noticed two common questions. These are not just common questions but pivotal questions that can impact the journey of healing and recovery from an affair.

The questions are:

• Should we tell others about the affair?
• How long should the emotional ups and downs take?

I want to shed light as early as possible. To share with you that the true answer is dependent on the life that you and your partner hold. In addition, it is further dependent on a couple’s ability to manage the challenges that result from the answers to the questions.

Should we tell others about the affair?

This is truly a decision that is up to you. I can understand how you may not like the answer.

Points to focus on with this question include the following:

• If you share the information how will the person(s) knowledgeable of the affair impact the relationship.
• Be mindful that people often can pick sides. So, sharing the affair may result in a shift.
• If you are going to share the information with a third party consider why you would like to share it and how sharing will support it. As an example, sharing with a friend or family member may create a different change compared to sharing the information with a neutral trained professional like a relationship counselor.

How long after the affair should the emotional ups and downs last?

If I had the answer, you would be the first to have it. The changes in emotions do shift.

Early in the process of the affair, you are likely to experience a more severe form of emotional difficulty compared to later in the process.

With the question, what I encourage is for the person to be aware that the ups and downs may take place. In addition, the commitment to change and improvement can support in managing the symptoms. Third, that the person should incorporate a system of support to manage the emotions. The system of support can include this journal, your partner, a relationship counselor, exercise,…

The process of healing and recovering from an affair is not one that should be taken alone. To heal the relationship. To allow new growth to take place and old wounds to heal. You and your partner should find commitment. A way to come together and heal.

I wrote the book, Re-Building Us: A Guide To Healing And Recovering After An Affair. To help couples join hands in the journey.