- Do you feel valued?
- Do you feel important?
- Do you feel that you provide to the relationship?
One of the to-go-to activities for couple’s I use is focused on communication. The activity encourages partners to make their relationship a priority by creating a specific time that is focused on asking questions and exploring answers.
Above are three simple questions that can open an avenue of communication.
What tends to happen is that life becomes a priority and the relationship takes second or third on the list. I’ve worked with partners who have shared that he/she does not feel a priority to the relationship or to their partner. That he/she does not feel valued or important.
Communication in my opinion is vital to the longevity of the relationship.
If you are struggling with any of the questions below:
Do you feel valued?
Do you feel important?
Do you feel that you provide to the relationship?
If you feel that you are not of value. If you feel that you should be more of a priority to your partner. Or that you need a way to provide to the relationship. I want to encourage you to practice the activity below.
The activity supports struggling couples in gaining understanding around the issues that are hurting the relationship. The activity further creates an avenue of exploration. The beauty in exploration is that change is possible. You can transition to feeling more valued. Significant to your partner and the relationship.
Step 1: The structure to the activity:
Pick a time, 2 day a week, to communicate with your partner. Pretend that this is a doctor’s appointment. You must show up. You must be on time.
The meeting time can be anywhere between 30 and 45 minutes. When picking a time, be specific and punctual. For example, if you select to meet Tuesday and Thursday at 6:00 PM for 30 minutes. You must start at 6 and end at 6:30 sharp. Just as you would a standard medical appointment.
Do your best to allow the meeting to be at a distraction free neutral place. In my house, that would not be in my house. Haha. We have small kids and a dog, so definitely not a distraction free place. I like having my meetings at a park or during a nature hike.
Step 2. Putting The Work In:
You and your partner are to think of a relationship need that is not being met. For instance:
I do not feel valued?
I do not feel important?
I do not feel that you provide to the relationship?
During this step, it is important to listen to your partners concern. Write it down!
Step 3. Initiating The Change Process:
Share with each other what you would like the other to do in effort to addressing the issue that is hurting the relationship. In this step, it is important to take time to listen and write down your partner’s needs. Do your best to be clear when providing examples.
Partner 1: “I do not feel important?”
Partner 2: “I’m sorry that I have not been present to show you how important you are to me, to the relationship and our family.”
Partner 1: “I love when you bring me home flowers… Clean my car without asking… Kiss me before leaving for work… Write me a long letter describing how much you love me…”
Step 4. Commitment:
This is the last step. At this point, you have shared your concern with each other. You have also gained an emotional understanding to how your partner feels and what the expectations are moving forward. For the purpose of this example, the expectations for partner 1 moving forward are listed below:
- I do not feel important
Expectation moving forward:
- Bringing home flowers
- Cleaning the car
- Kisses before leaving to work
- Writing a long letter
As a couple’s counselor, I truly enjoy being the cupid shrink haha. I love helping partners learn to overcome challenges. If you would like to speak with me, ask a question or schedule an appointment please call 336-707-1723 or fill out the form below.