Mom… Can I go over my friends house on Friday?
YES, of course dear.
Dad… Can I go over my friends house on Friday?
NO, not this weekend.
- Many parents struggle with finding a common ground in their parenting partnership.
- Often parents come from entirely different backgrounds without considering how their unique backgrounds impact their parenting style.
- Parents often forget that their child is “smart” and knows how to work the system.
As a professional counselor and a parent, I am a strong advocate for equal parenting when it comes to the tug of war between your child’s discipline and activities of daily living (ie. their lifestyle).
You as the mother or the father each have a certain array of skills that you possess. I am certain that one of you is more effective than the other in a few areas that concern parenting. Don’t let it get to your head! 100% of parents have parenting skills that differ from their spouse. It is immensely important for parents to train, educate and teach each other what skills they have and how they will utilize the specific skill on their child.
You can start by having a conversation with your spouse.
Common questions to go over:
- What is your parenting approach for discipline? _________________________________.
- If our child gets in trouble at school how will you discipline?_________________________.
- Will you use physical or verbal discipline? _____________________________________.
- Will your parenting approach be like your parents? If so, please explain._________________.
Discuss topics that you are not fund of. Consider past parenting experiences with your partner or spouse.
Reflect on the experiences that you felt both of you came to a mutual conclusion.____________________.
- How did you feel during the experience? While noticing that you and your partner came to a mutual decision versus being on opposite pages. _____________________________________________.
Reflect on the experiences that you both disagreed on.
- Why did you come to your conclusion?________________________________________.
- Why did your partner come to their conclusion?__________________________________.
- How did you feel during the process when you noticed that you and your partner did NOT come to the same conclusion? __________________________________________________________.
- How did you fee after? ___________________________________________________.
Good cop versus bad cop.
A great clip from one of my favorite shows. Just another way parents can learn why working together is better for the family.
The best place to start to create a partnership in your parenting TEAM is by starting at a common ground.
- You and your partner as parents want the best for your child.
- You and your partner love your child.
- You and your partner will do all you can for your child.
cover images by drew hays; danielle macinnes